In the search for ways to express our feelings we are going to more and more extremes.
Words like devastating and awesome and unique are being tagged with very devastating
and extremely unique and totally awesome! Hello! I thought devastating was defined as
“to make desolate, to ravage or destroy”. Why do we need extra words such as “terribly
devastating”? Is your devastation worse than my devastation? And unique is not nearly
good enough these days, oh no, we have “very, very unique” or “extremely unique”.
Unique meaning “unlike any other or without equal” doesn’t come close!
How long is it going to take before we impose a ban on “absolutely”? This four syllable
word made its appearance approximately eight years ago and rapidly became the most
over used and badly used word in history. It is now toxic as it is the first word resorted to in
response to the simplest of questions. “Yes” is a very nice appropriate word but it has
disappeared behind the log jam of “absolutely”! It is time to ban it and convert to
“definitely” or “yes” or “certainly”?
So we now have millions of half-wits muttering “absolutely” every hour, every day. In an
ABC TV interview just two days ago, one of the talking heads was asked six questions
and in every case the respondent, without pausing, used “absolutely” as the first word in
her answer to all six questions. I’m being a little unfair as she added “Oh absolutely” once.
And she wasn’t even aware that she did it.
So now we have well paid professional
personnel and media stars locked-in to
“absolutely”. It has become time to
declare war on this abomination as it is
giving me (absolute) nightmares. It has
become the most over-used word of the
decade! It has replaced “journey” as the
most used word when you can’t find a
more interesting or apt word. Everything
is not a journey but that is how it has become during the last fifteen years. Over-used and
badly used. A golfer hits the ball and the announcer says “it won’t make the journey!” or a
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of words have become restricted and the internet and social media have caused the lack
of imaginative words and instead we are all over-using the same dull words incessantly
without even realising how boring and repetitive and inescapable it has become. As an
example, just try to survive a few hours or even a day without hearing “bunch”! For years
we had a bunch of flowers or a bunch of bananas and even bike riders might be all
bunched together. But now we have a huge bunch of idiots who use bunch for everything!!
Americans have showed their complete lack of imagination by using bunch for every
collective noun in use! They say “a bunch of cars”, “a bunch of buildings”, “a bunch of
drinks”, “a bunch of records”. Just yesterday, I heard a guy on the radio saying “and there
was this bunch of water”. That’s what he said although it is hard to believe. Collective
nouns are funny, clever, accurate and wonderful but it is all too hard for us to use them,
isn’t it? Much easier to say “a bunch of idiots”. Could we try “a herd of idiots?” or maybe “a
team of idiots?” It’s tempting to say “a bunch of baboons” but a “flange of baboons” is so
much better. How about “a chatter of budgerigars” or “a gaggle of race cars”. “A float of
crocodiles” or “a murder of crows” So let’s ban the “bunch” and use “a parade of
elephants” or “an ambush of tigers” (I really, really love that one!!). How about a cast of
crabs or a band of coyotes, or an army of ants, a troop of kangaroos or a charm of
hummingbirds. Is it asking too much to drop “bunch” and use these colourful nouns
instead? Recently I heard someone asking what is the collective noun for celebrity chefs.
Nobody was certain but an “irritation of chefs” was promoted and is so apt and funny we
hope it catches on.
footballer kicks the ball and we hear “it failed to make the journey!” So now a trip
to the corner store for milk is a journey? Doesn’t a journey mean travelling from
one place to another, a trip or voyage? Yeah, Right! So let us take these
“absolutely” and “journey” words and stick them on a rocket and send them into
outer-space never to be seen or heard from again.
There can be little doubt that people arereading less these days so their selection
Now we have to warn you that having failed to cull the use of bunch, absolutely and
journey there is, horrors of horrors, a new word fermenting in the background and its use is
growing daily. When I heard a rugby league player, who had no personality, trying to
articulate why he didn’t play well and he stumbled along searching for words but then he
used “replicate” and I knew all too well that it is becoming a buzz word. It has been
cropping up occasionally for weeks now so soon everything will be replicated. You have
been warned! Very, very soon you will be “replicating” endlessly and meaninglessly. My
only hope is it that it doesn’t survive more than one year but it probably will grow like a
cancer and be in use for years.
John Wilson, August 2018
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