“There is only one way to be born yet there’s a hundred ways to die.” (Chinese proverb)
“Life you may avoid but death you shall not.”(T.S.Eliot)
“Go to Heaven for the climate but go to hell for the company" (Unknown)
A few of us attempt to be humorous at our final countdown. Bob Hope, as he lay in his deathbed said, “That was a great round of golf fellas” and Brendan Behan, the Irish writer, uttered these final words to the Sisters of Mercy in the hospital, “Bless you Sisters, and may all your children be Bishops!”
We are the only species on earth that know our lives will end. Fear of death is a human
condition yet we still ignore it, and rarely discuss it, until mortality confronts us. There is
an Arabic proverb which translates as, “Show them the death and they will accept the
fever.” The meaning is clear.
One day there will be no more sunsets or sunrises. No more days, hours or minutes.
Everything you thought mattered, or cared about, won’t matter anymore. And fifty years
after you have died you will be completely forgotten. It will be as though you never
existed.
So the famous question (from an unknown person) asks, “If I knew I was going to die
tomorrow, what would I do differently today? If I knew you were going to die tomorrow,
what would I do or say now?”
I am on very good terms with Death. We chat quite often. We even have a laugh at how
he works and how often he gets it wrong. In the Philippines recently there were 38 men,
women and children drowned in a ferryboat accident. Death chuckled as he told me he
made a mistake as only 18 were scheduled to die on that voyage.
The wealthy Moroccan merchant was bored. His wife had died many years ago and his
few friends visited infrequently. His loyal servant was his closest companion. On impulse
one evening he sent his servant to the souk (market) in the centre of Fez to buy Turkish
Delight and some honeyed cakes. Very soon the servant returned empty handed.
Agitated and upset. Pleading, he said, “Master, I am so scared. In the shadows of the
souk I saw Death. He stared at me. I was terrified. Then he came directly towards me with
a horrible expression on his face. Please Master, lend me one of your horses and let me
ride away through the night to Marrakech where I can hide at my sister’s house? The
Merchant agreed and his best horse was prepared. Still panicked, the servant galloped
away on his long journey. An hour passed. The Merchant grew more and more irritated.
He was a man used to getting his way. He decided to search the souk and confront
Death. Soon he found the grimacing face of Death in the dark. Fearlessly he said, “Death,
I demand to know why you scared my servant!” And Death puzzled, said “Sir, I wasn’t
trying to scare your man. That was a look of surprise. I was shocked to see him here in
Fez because I have an appointment with him tomorrow in Marrakech.”
A death scene on television or film doesn’t come close to capturing the reality of a violent
ending. A sudden hole in the middle of a forehead is never neat. Death is often dirty,
smelly and bloody. Death can be beautiful and peaceful. But mostly it is ugly. Car
accidents, knife attacks or a bashing death are brutal and messy. Most people die in their
bed or in hospital care but even here we avoid talking about our final minutes. Fear is the
major factor. We run away from our fears. We try to run from our finish.
When I discovered the Buddhist mantra: “Keep Death as a friend, always on your
shoulder,” it changed my outlook and my life has had more fullness ever since. It simply
means that if we know Death is there, we’ll walk with reverence and gratitude every
moment we remain alive.
I‘ve even asked Death when am I going on the big sleep but he just grins maniacally and
looks away. Last year I came close to drowning in the surf but as I lay recovering in the
shallows like a beached whale, I thanked Death (who was watching from my shoulder) for
the close call. I’m sure he enjoyed the tease of it all.
At least three of my Uncles lived until they were in their late nineties. Death still won’t give
me a hint but I’m convinced I’m going to make a ton. As each year goes bye I chat to my
mate Death and thank him. He chuckles in my ear and he gets a bit embarrassed but he
obviously enjoys his work. If I happen to see him staring at me from the shadows one
night I certainly won’t try to run or gallop away.
John A Wilson, October 2013
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